Amazon, Rejection and Editing

So I entered the Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award. I wrote my entire entry in less than a month, because I had a plot bouncing around in my head that was fun and would need little research. When I entered it, I knew it was a little rough but it was a great story and turned out really well.

If you don't know already, I was kicked out during the first round. Ugh. Yesterday I got the reviews and was surprised. Apparently, they liked the story too. The problem was that it wasn't clean copy. So guess what I'm doing this summer. Working on editing, line by line.

I don't know if there is any other way. With my last submission I put it through two writers groups, read it at least ten times and still missed a comma or two. That is something I really need to take more seriously because I know clean copy makes a huge difference.

If your interested, here's what the reviewers said:


Reviewer #1-

I feel like this could be a good story. The plot is interesting, and the pacing is good. I don't feel bogged down with descriptions or a big set-up that just goes on and on.

However, the writing isn't fantastic. There are a few odd word choices - "straddled" where I think the author means "saddled" and a "that" where I think it needs to be a "who", and several places that I would change the sentence structure to feel more natural. There are many unclear antecedents. Several sentences need either another word or a comma, or need to be split up. I mention this only because a well-written story is much easier to stay "lost in." Bad grammar and odd word structure pulls me out, as I start editing rather than reading.

Aside from the errors, it all just feels like it needed one more read-through to polish it up before it was submitted. There's a slight stilted feel to some of the conversations; a need for more contractions or a feel for how people really speak.

I would imagine that some of this could be fixed with a good editor, but I also feel that submissions should be as good as can be if someone's trying to win an award.

With some grammatical help, though, I think the story could be a good one. It's interesting, moves well, and has potential.



Reviewer #2-

This seems to be the beginning of a political/legal thriller. The writer has established some interesting characters, given them some background through the use of a prologue and gotten the action and mystery off to a good start in this brief excerpt. There has been so much action in these few pages that it is a bit confusing at this point but that will most likely be resolved in the next few pages.

The writer has done a very good job with these beginning pages, if the rest of the novel continues in this vein this should be a very exciting novel.

I DID IT!!! (With Help)

I can't believe it. "Dead Dreams" is written and turned in and I'm free! It's a great feeling. I do know that I probably should have done one more edit, but at least it is done.

This story was a new adventure for me, because it was my first attempt at a general release (not LDS specific.) There were scenes that I had so clearly pictured in my head that I never got to and others that seemed to appear out of thin air that I was really pleased with.

As I typed the last few pages, tears were pouring down my cheeks which is always a good sign. The best feeling is when you type the last word and know the story is really over. Every loose end makes sense and hopefully you've learned something along the way.

Special thanks to Betsy Grow who totally helped me with the fortune teller. Also, to my sweet husband who took the children to the grandparents for the weekend so I could write all night long, which I did.


Well, if you're interested, here's my final pitch:

When senatorial hopeful Peter Strabeck is found near death in his speechwriter’s room, the press has a field day with his family, leaving them hopeless and broken. After college graduation Margaret, the youngest daughter, must force her dreams aside to care for her widowed mother over the next eight years. Her mother’s final words are to J a young attorney who has been called to secretly amend her will. Mags doesn’t trust J who is the son of her father’s alleged murderer.
The family arrives hoping for a hefty inheritance, and J explains that the money has been spent on legal fees and the home shopping network. They are furious but find solace in childhood memorabilia. While attending the funeral, they are robbed. Who would want a life-sized Barbie head, brass knuckles and an old sheepskin rug, but one of them? Mags knows who the culprit is, but stays silent. Frozen relationships begin to thaw as the siblings investigate each other and on the way help a struggling teenager, save a marriage, complete a dissertation and eventually land together on the island of Jamaica.
J is pleased that all is going as planned, except the third provision. How can he ever get the independent, headstrong Mags to have feelings for him? When strange things begin to happen, J is certain he is receiving help from beyond the grave. Can Mags let go of the past and resuscitate dreams she thought had died? .
Dead Dreams is a twisted family comedy of 58,555 words. Contemporary fiction with a hint of romance, this story is a light read similar to Delinsky’s Three Wishes with the homey feel of Debbie Macomber. It will appeal to anyone who agrees that life is better with family, even when they are a little crazy.